Countdown: 3 More Days Until Work

The day that I’ve been dreading is almost here. This thought came to the forefront of my mind about a month before my official Return to Work date of May 2nd. I was worried that I wouldn’t be ready as I was hoping that by then (by now), I would have been better, weaned off of all of my medication that I keep in a large recyclable bag because I’ve become too “lazy” to separate them weekly by AM and PM pills (there are just so many of them). I was hoping I would be “thriving” (or at least at a decent “Remission-Type” level off of the meds) and could function better and not worry so much about how my life can be thrown off balance at any moment. Today I am still not at that place where I want to be. I don’t feel that there are many options but to go back. I love my co-workers and my job (for once in a long time), I have a good job with great benefits, I was lucky and grateful to have found this job on an island where I was worried when I first moved home would have nothing available for me.

The island is small, jobs are difficult to come by unless you know someone and then that someone has to be important, a lot of jobs are customer service jobs (waitressing, cashiers, ticket agents, reservationists… jobs where I would be required to stand). That was not an option as the pain from my nerve damage in both feet were causing excruciating pain at that time (I’m still surprised how it temporarily went away for the first time in many years after starting all of these medications but recently started to feel the tingling, numbness, and pain beginning again). Nothing to complain about though, there are other things that are way worse. I contemplated moving to another island but Kaua’i is my home and I was set on moving home.

Pink Hibiscus

Pink Hibiscus

Beginning in mid March 2012, I applied for any and all jobs that I would be able to perform. There were a lot fewer than I had hoped for and not the “best fit” for my taste, but a job is a job. Money is money and it pays the bills; and I had a lot of bills. I was disappointed that there seemed to be no payroll jobs on the island. On one visit I had wanted to open up a new business. I noticed that many small businesses had Accountants to do their Payroll taxes and either did their own payroll or had another company do their payroll for them. At that time I hoped to move home in two years and wanted to start a business where I would take care of all payroll and tax needs for a business, it would be a “one stop shop.” I was in a payroll position at the time and because of my experience, I was the top payroll person for the Agency that I worked for. I was going to go through all the payroll classes and get certified through the American Payroll Association. I was excited until I returned home to Colorado and found out that my significant other (who had told me to check out jobs and other details for the possible move) had decided that moving was not an option anymore because it was no longer a mutual desire. Back to March, out of all the jobs that I applied for, I received two phone calls. One was for a part time Dental Assistant (I stopped by to fill out an application) and one for a per diem/ on call Hospital Operator (Switchboard). These positions weren’t ideal as they weren’t full time but any income would help. I was called in for an interview at the hospital and got that job. I started on the last day of May 2012. From that job, I ended up transferring later in the year to a Part Time position taking calls to schedule/ reschedule appointments (among other job duties) for two departments in the clinic and then found this Full Time position last April in a department that deals with Diabetes Management and Education, Coumadin, certain types of Physicals & shots, etc. If I were to lose my job, I don’t know what I would do. Now that I’ve accidentally exceeded my FMLA for the twelve month period (which restarts in mid November), I don’t feel “safe.” I can only hope that everything will work out. I worry a lot, especially when it comes to money, job stability, my health, etc. but I’ve been telling myself (as I have to constantly do) that I have no control over these things and “whatever happens, happens” and I will deal with it as it comes. Things always seem to have a way of working out anyway in the end (well, most things~ health issues are a whole different story).

In a way, I am happy that I’ll be returning to work. I want to return to the “land of the living.” I miss the socialization (though I’m not necessarily a social person). I miss certain co-workers, friends, and patients. I just hope that I don’t have any issues. I wonder where all the time went? There was so much that I could’ve accomplished but didn’t. But I shouldn’t get down on myself about it because I have to remember that I was battling with this disease, trying to take on the world by taking the necessary steps to stop the chaos that was happening inside of my body, I wasn’t well and needed to rest so that I could get to a point where I could “live” life again. Now I need to start getting on a sleeping schedule (maybe I should’ve started this two weeks ago). I’m so last minute sometimes. My taxes still wait for me: I need to get all of my business receipts and spreadsheets together as well as my individual tax information ready for my Accountant. Oh boy. Maybe today or tomorrow. I’m still waking up.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. livingincurably
    Apr 30, 2014 @ 12:48:54

    All the best for your return to work. Remember to get yourself in the best possible ergonomic position (i.e., chairs, desk height, foot stool, etc) so that you can pamper pain-sensitive areas.


    • mkingr
      Apr 30, 2014 @ 12:59:20

      Thank you. I should have everything by the time I get back. Sometimes the orders take awhile to come in but last time I stopped by, I noticed that my order for a monitor stand came in (after a 3 month wait). I received one prior to that but it was broken so it took forever for a replacement to arrive. 🙂


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