My “Lazy” Day

I woke up this morning around 7:20 am. Even though I fell asleep at a decent hour last night I was still exhausted. The last two weeks at work have been super busy, long work hours (or staying after work to help someone out), and a morning schedule which varies daily so I can never get used to my schedule. I start work anywhere between 5:45am- 7:15am. I need to be there 15 minutes before our first patient comes in. I drank some water and took some of my morning meds. It was cold and rainy this morning (it still is), a perfect scenario to crawl back into bed and bury myself under the covers. So I did. It was marvelous. And I fell back asleep. I did this a couple of times (making sure I took the rest of my medication) and finally arose at 3pm. A part of me was upset that I wasted my day. I felt lazy. But I knew that my body needed the extra sleep. During the weekdays I feel like I am only able to muster enough energy to get through my work day. Sometimes after work, I’m too tired to drive. So I sit on a bench in the parking lot until I force myself to just drive home. Today I was a little disappointed in myself for missing my 2nd cousin’s graduation party at the beach. But with the pain in my back and feet on top of being totally exhausted, I knew I couldn’t make it.

Yesterday was wonderful because I was able to go down to 10 mg of Prednisone. So the doctors are still weaning me off of this vile pill. I hope that my health continues to improve. It’s very exciting. When I think about the time that I was on leave from work, I see that I have come a long way. It was a dark time where most days were absolutely miserable, too much uncertainty, regression in my progress, getting diagnosed with more diseases or “conditions” that have no cure, and all the pain and headaches that were worse than I had ever experienced in my life. At the time, I could not see the “light at the end of the tunnel.” But I feel like I am almost there and ready to be in the clear for as long as my body allows. It makes me appreciate my life more. For most of my life I was chronically depressed and wanted to cease to exist since that seemed like the only option to “stop feeling”. In the past several years I have worked hard to be more positive in the hopes of living a better and happier life. I no longer am in a constant state of depression but still have moments here and there. I realized through this last Lupus flare that I did not want to die yet and was determined to fight.

Even though there is less protein in my urine (my labs show a huge difference since December), I still have bad edema. I started to notice bloating in my feet and ankles again. For a while the water retention was only manifesting itself inside of my body (that’s what I had been told). And I believed it because I could and can still feel it. All the bloating in my stomach, thighs, and face were the most uncomfortable. And still is. I’ve noticed more bloating on my arms and back when I wake up in the mornings. And when I carry my purse by hanging it on my arm, I can see all the indentations when I put my purse down. This makes me believe that even though less protein is being filtered through my kidneys, my kidneys still are not functioning at a decent level. Does anyone have any experience or thoughts on this? I have an appointment to see my PCP on Thursday so I can ask him then about it since I do not see my Rheumy or Nephrologist for a while.

Pink Hibiscus I spotted at my Aunty's house.

Pink Hibiscus I spotted at my Aunty’s house.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: